I am a parent, an addict in recovery, and an average human being. I have mental health troubles, and triumphs. I’ve overcome controversial life choices, and two strokes at a young age, recently.

I have worked hard to be who, and where I am today, because I had to. I didn’t ever realise there was another way. During active addiction, there was no other way. When I was ready, and also forced to wake up, go to treatment, and to choose the life of sobriety, and recovery. There was never another way, each and everytime I thought there was no way out, I just kept moving, and here I am today.

I love the idea that there are so many more “real” parents, and folks in recovery, and many many other of life’s really real experiences popping up.

I have seen, and done more than any person should ever have to go through, but I have overcome, adapted, and I have grown through each and every experience I have had.

I recently had 2 brain strokes, and I am not working now, I’m at home, and I have never NOT worked. I don’t know how to do this whole, stay at home mom thing. I am going through physical therapy, tackling pain management, and recovery, 3 beautiful kids, (plus a bonus, my niece, age 4, a lot of the time) 6 years old, 8, almost 9 years old, and 10, almost 11 years old. Being a spouse, I have some mental health diagnosis (I’m sure you’ll end up hearing about it eventually), so I just try to juggle all of this, while also being entirely too freaking hard on myself!

I have to remind myself regularly to look back, remind myself, who I was, where I’ve come from. I was such a terrible person during active addiction, my kids actually went into state custody, I worked so hard to get them back home. I have witnessed people being shot, I have been to jail 3, maybe 4 separate times, at one point spending 4 months in jail, before it hit me, that I needed to change! I’ve been in an abusive relationship, I’ve been kidnapped, and threatened with my life, with my sons life. I kid you not all of this! You can not make this up!!!!

So I’m home now! All this stuff is in my head, all of the time. Yes I’ve worked through a lot of it, but I have found myself very lonely. It’s hard to connect with people, for me, I am weird, to put it bluntly. I try so hard to not be so weird but I also do not want to be a fake social media person, family, etc…

So I need to vent. Perhaps I reach no one. Maybe I’ll reach ONE person. Help one person overcomesomething, or just not feel so alone. Maybe I can get some of this outside myself. I have not been through all this insanity for nothing. There has to be a higher purpose for my life. I am meant for more, and I just have to quit being a chickens tail feathers, quit saying I want to do this, and JUST WRITE. Just open up and see if I can help someone, and maybe help myself along the way.

Word Vomit. Out.